It is well with me.


This world doesn’t sleep; I can’t sleep

I’m up at 15 minutes to 3a.m. and honestly, I’m not sure what I’m doing. Maybe I actually do and what I’m really trying to figure out is how much I care.

Tonight, I should have had the best night of my life. I finally got to meet up with some close friends and have a totally awesome dinner but after getting back home, the pressure of work etc. starts to sink in and I realise something I thought was done isn’t quite there yet. Now I find myself staring at a word document I’m not too sure what to do with.

And now, I’m also realising that perhaps it is because I’m not a very honest person at all. I’m not the kind of person to let others know how I feel and here, it feels even more difficult to do so. So now, let me surprise the world a little and say that I’m so tired. Oddly enough, it’s ministry that’s making me so tired and sometimes I wanna quit. Even when I have a weekend “off”, I don’t feel rested. Sometimes, I can’t fall asleep at night and I wonder what’s wrong with me because just this time last year, I was doing perfectly fine. I think I once served five weekends in a row and could still be chipper at the end and feel like I could do more. Unfortunately, I want right now is to be a vegetable and not do anything.

Technically, I’m home but at the same time, it feels like I’m not. It’s been more than eight months since I came back and I should be settling into life by now but I’m not. It’s like a part of me is still back in Melbourne. I want to cry every time I click the podcast tab and see the title of exactly what I need to hear from the place I’m no longer at. I wonder why I’m here and not there, why God brought me back to this place. I do see the good happening but somehow it’s not enough and at such a ridiculous time in the middle of the night, I don’t know who to talk to.

I miss my housemate and just being able to talk out problems at 1a.m. I miss those $2 Taco Tuesdays with the girls I love and served with. I miss feeling real because all this feels like a nightmare sometimes. I feel like I have to be so much more grown up than I really am and my comfort perhaps, is knowing that my closest friends will be reading this long and nonsensical spiel of me speaking irrationally.

And the feeling of hopelessness regarding this world doesn’t seem to go away.

I sit here in my room
Spiralling myself into a darkness
Where my thoughts muddle up,
Become tangled around
And I can’t figure things out
But tomorrow I’ll awake an amnesiac
Not remembering a thing about yesterday
Going about as if life was okay

Because really, everything is quite okay.

26 Oct 2014 – But bless the Lord, O my soul

So totally upset now after being a bit too happy the whole day.

I feel like it would be so easy to blame God, say, “Why couldn’t you just let me be a teacher? Why say “No”, right after getting an awesome reply from the Ministry?”, “What do you want me to do?”, “Why get my hopes up and then let me feel so totally crushed?”

All I’ve done lately is cry. Cry because I have to go back. Cry because I realised I haven’t been spending enough time with God. Cry because studying is hard. Cry because I know deep down inside I could never blame Him.

But even so, bless the LORD O my soul, lean not on thy own understanding for you know not what the future has to hold.

In this time of need, I wait upon you LORD.

days by Jin ft. LiA – Mekakucity Actors ED Full Lyrics

Nuuu Azami *cries*

As usual, Jin’s lyrics are really sad and moving and translating them into English . I tried translating by phrases rather than lines to try and make more sense of things. May change a few things here and there after exams but otherwise, hope you guys like my TL of this song! Romaji is after the English TL. That should be 99% correct if not for the spacing between words so as long as you’re not fussy about that, I’m sure it will help in some way.

As usual, credit bekahLIME if you use them in anyway xx

Song title:「days」
Original Music & Lyrics by: じん
Sung by: LiA


time passed on
Trying to figure that out, I realised
that the far off sound of laughter
couldn’t be heard anywhere
and tears fell

If you’re saying this is the future, I’d rather
have let go of that unbearable yesterday
and in a place where no voices can be heard
I’d stay all alone
I know the tears of this decaying world
But even if I try counting the times they flowed irrationally
These days,
the meaning they bring
won’t be found

Time keeps going forward as it always does
such as when the hands of clocks had
stopped moving countless times

On days without smiles
even if I shut myself in
That day asked if
I realised something
through meaningless things
I don’t know if I can ever find out

Just stop it
It hurts, it hurts
It’s unbearable
So much so that my tears have dried up
So much so that they’ve disappeared

“If you’re saying this is the future, then
I should have just stayed where I was”
Even if I’d be crying alone
in a place where voices can’t be heard
This decaying world won’t
hug someone gently so
such days
I’ll throw them away
And I’ll curse the future and this world,
let go of that unbearable yesterday
and in a place where no voices can be heard
I’ll stay all alone

Somewhere, the decaying future quietly,
soundlessly and irrationally ended
and in my dreams,
the days I wished for
came to an end as if they were yesterday

Time kept passing
It kept going
without anyone realising


imi no nai mama de
jikan wa sugite
rikaishiyou toshite
tooku hanareta waraigoe ga mou
dokonimo kikoenai
namida ga ochiru

kore ga mirai dato iu nara isso
yarikirenai aus wo tebanashite
koe mo kikoenai basho ni
hitori de iyou
kureru sekai no namida wo shitte
afuredasu rifujin wo kazoetemo
konna hibi wo
okuru imi wa
kitto mitsukerarenai na

jikan wa susumi
tokei no hari wa tomaru no
onaji you ni nando mo

egao no nai hibi ni
tojikomotte mo
imi ga nai koto ni
kizuiterun deshou
ano hi tazuneta
kotoba no imi wa
mou shiru koto ga dekinai noni

mou yamete
itakute itakute
namida mo kareteshimau hodo ni
kieteshimau hodo ni

“Kore ga mirai da to iu nara, isso
anomama de itakatta” da nante
koe mo kikoenai basho de
hitori naite mo
kureru sekai wa dareka wo sotto
dakishimeru koto nante shinai kara
konna hibi wa

soshite mirai mo sekai mo norotte
yarikirenai ausu wo tebanashite
koe no kikoenai basho ni
hitori de iyou
kureru mirai ga dokoka de sotto
oto mo naku rifujin ni hateru no wo
yume no naka de
negau hibi ga
ashita owarimasu you ni

imi mo nai mama de
jikan wa sugita
dare mo
kizukanai mama









Updated 22 June 2012

Mekakucity Actors「daze」・じん

There are so many weird translations out there that don’t make sense/don’t follow the meaning of the song so I thought: Meh, why not throw my own confused version into the mix?

Mekakucity Actors





English Lyrics

The concrete wavers,

Smoky and hazy,  it’s dream you’ve always wanted


Traced out with a template

Is an everyday life I still don’t and never knew


The high tempo attendance

The lacking but depressing future that won’t disappear


The last chapter is here

I can’t say it, you look like you’re going to cry


Come on, close your eyes

If you’re lost, like us then

not like you have a way back right?


As the pieces come together, we secretly pray that

the future is normal


Come now, clap your hands

We’ve turned a full circle, let’s gather our mistakes again today


Let’s begin

You’re still lost in a daze


Let’s 「play」

Keep screaming until it gets through

Let’s 「save」

Keep struggling until that wish comes true


Until you that grasp hand

Don’t forget this heat*


Let’s 「daze」

Don’t lose your heart

Let’s 「change」

Don’t cry all by yourself


If you’re「lonely」, we can repaint that

Remember them, the things you wanted to say


The encore reverberates

Winding round and around, going back and forth through the city


Breaking standards

Now we’re linked by the sweat on our hands


Breaking out and standing up

We can’t sleep, can’t be stopped, that’s the cue to counter attack


The last day is here

Let’s search for words that won’t fade


Come now, give me your hand

Our meeting surely

Wasn’t a misunderstanding, right?


At the mercy of a shadow, this troubling world has become

an afterimage


「Frustration」 and 「Weakness 」

Rather, the word「Cowardice」includes them all


Dive right in

Are you still lost in a daze?


Let’s 「play」

That outstretched arm is wavering

Let’s 「save」

That heart is fading


Almost as if there’s no more hope

Don’t forget that heat*


Let’s 「daze」

The city wind howls

Let’s 「change」

The words have faded


If it’s “feelings” then I know that they’re here

I realised that a long time ago


To the kid who’s rubbing at reddened eyes

Across this blue summer sky

I hope this voice reaches

Even the dusk that chanted “Goodbye”

Will be changed again in yesterday

Surely this dream can be broken out of



If you’re alone then respond

Don’t spend today lamenting

Loneliness and tears

Let’s share them together


Let’s 「play」

Keep screaming until it gets through

Let’s 「save」

Keep struggling until that wish comes true


Until you that grasp hand

Don’t forget this heat*


Let’s 「daze」

Don’t lose your heart

Let’s 「change」

Don’t cry all by yourself


If you start wavering in the city

Even if you become discouraged


If you’re「lonely」, we can repaint that

We’ve changed「all by yourself」

Because I’m with you


*The actual word used is temperature but I think heat suits the whole kagerou thing better (yes I know this is mekakucity actors but whatever)



消えない 足りない 落ち込んだ未来

言えない 君は泣きそう



0で廻った 勘違いを今日も集めて


Let’s 「play」
Let’s 「save」


Let’s 「daze」
Let’s 「change」

「孤独」なら 塗り替えれる
思い出してよ 言いたかったこと

巡り巡る 街の中を往け

寝れない 止めない 逆襲の気配





君もまた 無我夢中?

Let’s 「play」
Let’s 「save」


Let’s 「daze」
Let’s 「change」

「気持ち」なら 此処にある


この夢を抜け出せる きっと

寂しさも 涙も
分け合うから 一緒に

Let’s 「play」
Let’s 「save」


Let’s 「daze」
Let’s 「change」

揺らめきだす 街の中

「孤独」なら 塗り替えれる

Mekaku City ED 「Days」 English Cover!

I decided to sing “Days” with English lyrics! Got the lyrics off SymphonicTears because I like her version of the lyrics and recorded it on a whim. I’ve always wanted to do something like this but would put it off because “AHHH I’m flat here” or “this part doesn’t sound right” but if I kept going on like that I’d never upload anything right? Got it over and done with and while perfectionist me isn’t entirely happy, I’m quite proud of myself for just getting it out there or I might regret it one day when I’m finally out of school and don’t have the time for such things. If I have the time I’d like to do more covers or try doing one in Japanese ^^

Putting all that aside, I was really surprised that so many people would listen to me sing! I’ve already gotten almost 150 views and I uploaded it less than 36 hours ago. Many thanks to all my friends, ones I’ve met in real life and those on the forums for helping to bump up those few initial views! Special extra thanks to my awesome friend Nicole (@killua93) for sharing it EVERYWHERE!! I was so touched when I saw the number of likes + reblogs on her tumblr. I almost cried in public. To all the people out there liking and reblogging it, I don’t know you but words cannot express how happy and grateful I am for your support! I’m just a nobody and never thought so many people would like my singing. 本当にありがとうございました!I feel irrationally happy, like Tony Tony Chopper from One Piece when people praise him.

Here’s the video if you haven’t already since it. Sorry it’s just a still image…I’ll work on figuring out how to get animations in.

Of breaking bread and drinking wine

Somehow I always end up serving on holy communion Sundays and so last month I didn’t get my “bread” and cup. Aww 😦

The same thing happened last Good Friday service. Sitting in the dark corner next to the stage at the monitors desk doesn’t really help either. The good thing is that for monitors there’s not much to do during service so I just sneaked out for a bit and asked an usher for one.

My church uses the disposable plastic thing where they have a small wafer at the top and if you peel away the plastic you get the juice (not real wine). I had trouble peeling the plastic for the wafer component and ended up breaking it in half accidentally. I usually break it on purpose just before eating anyway so it shouldn’t have mattered so much but it got me thinking about what all this symbolises even more than usual.

The bread represents the body of Christ broken for us that’s why I always break it before eating. However, this time I accidentally broke the wafer and it made me think about all the times I probably didn’t mean to do something bad but still ended up doing it anyway. I thought about all the suffering Jesus had to go through and having broken the wafer made me feel like I’d just made one of the hits myself. I didn’t mean to, but I still did it anyway.

Even after deciding to give our lives to Christ and choosing to follow Him, we aren’t perfect. It is in our nature to sin constantly and though we try hard not to, sometimes the temptations are too great or we act rashly and end up doing something we regret. We feel bad about all these things and sometimes we feel like there’s no hope for us.

But the amazing thing is, Christ died for us while we were yet sinners (Rom 5:8) and in doing so cleansed us from our sins. During Easter, we celebrate the fact that He rose from the grave and conquered death once and for all. Because he conquered death, He lives on forever and continues to intercede on our behalf (Heb 7:24-25). This grace that God gave to us, sending Jesus Christ to die for our sins and forgiving us is offered to EVERYONE (Titus 2:11). In this world, everything is about money. Free stuff is hard to come by. Yet this grace which has been extended to us is FREE to ANYONE who wants it. You gotta love that! And this act in itself something is something I think is beautiful.


Can I just count this a SOAP journalling for today?

Yeah, yeah okay I can hear you stop nagging already.

Fire Emblem: Awakening – My favourite pairings!

Honestly I’ve been playing this game so much that it’s a wonder something like this didn’t come out earlier. Anyway, I’ve always just wanted to write this somewhere hehe.

Oh and this list was made just based on story, meaning that if I didn’t have to think about optimising or having the best kid ever to use I’d put them together so everyone get’s what I think is the best possible ending. Doing EVERYONE will take a while so it’s just the first gen today.

Lissa x Ricken
First, I would like to say that the most “canon” in my opinion is actually MU. How else do would you end up with Owain? This kid needs a nutty dad like Henry or at least one who reads a lot like MU or Ricken for that influence. Since Henry always does better with other people and the Lissa x Ricken end is cute/makes sense to me, I put them together. Lissa x Ricken also makes an awesome Mage Owain and I like when supports AND kids manage to work out.
Why don’t I do MU x Lissa? Because I love MU x Lucina even more ^^

Sully x Frederick
I never really know what to do with Sully so I just pull someone out of those remaining. The Frederick x Sully support is funny cute anyway, like I didn’t expect Sully to say the things she did at the end. I was contemplating Lon’qu x Sully for a while because they actually have chemistry in their supports but unfortunately their stats together are just so weird that I wouldn’t know what to do with Kjelle. Also I wouldn’t know who to pair Panne with if I put Lon’qu with Sully lol

Miriel x Kellam
I guess you could say that his bachelor ending is much happier than all his marriages but I just like to assume that Miriel gets so wrapped up in research that she doesn’t spend a lot of time socialising? Lol well, not like Kellam would make the effort to do so either. At least not with outsiders which is why he doesn’t appear in the history books. One of Miriel’s cutest supports with a guy.

Sumia x Gaius
I can’t stand Chrom x Sumia because I just get really annoyed (actually I was annoyed the first time I heard Sumia). My first play through I put her with Gaius because like hey it works? He’s sweet, she’s sweet, why not? As long as she doesn’t end up with Chrom.

Maribelle x Vaike
I never really thought about it until I made this list because everyone is always going Henry!Brady but aside from the rhyming names and stats I feel like it’s just kinda meh. I like the story ending for Vaike and Maribelle and the support actually shows her being less prissy, evaluating herself and starting to change for the good which is always good in a story. Obviously ending up on a farm with Donnel might be a bit too much of a stretch so why not someplace less “savage” with Vaike? It’ll also give her wanting to become a magistrate more back story and I can imagine Brady turning out the way he is with these two together XD
Some people would say the stats aren’t great but I can see it being workable.

Cordelia x Stahl
This one seems the most likely to get Cordelia over Chrom and the most natural route to S support. Everyone wants Stahl for a dad so I just had to pick my favourite support ^^

Nowi x Donnel
SUPPORT CONVOS LIKE YEAAAHH. Honestly, I’ve never tried putting her with anyone else so I wouldn’t know any better but one thing’s for sure: Nah needs a sensible dad, or at least one that isn’t too crazy. Donnel seems like he’s a bit more responsible than Nowi for sure like being able to find food and cook without burning the food to a crisp.

Panne x Lon’qu
Love the supports and one of the better endings for Lon’qu. Quite a few of the other options can’t stand the cold or feroxi behaviour etc.


Tharja x Henry
Simply because Noire needs a really good daddy and Henry always ends up being a “surprisingly good father”. Also makes the split personality thing make sense lol.

Olivia x Virion
If Virion goes back alone his life is not so happy so I like to pair him with someone and the support with him and Olivia was nice. You get to see a side that’s not so annoying/laughable. Olivia seems to actually like him too so it’s not some half-assed *friendzoned* like with Lon’qu. Virions stats are pretty crappy but it’s not TOO bad on Inigo I guess (or maybe I just like this couple enough not to care).

Cherche x Gregor
Before I go into this, let me just unload a spiel of Gaius x Cherche THE SUPPORT CONVERSATIONS AND THE ENDING OH MY the whole story just works so well. I mean, she travels back all the way to cook his dinner after work. Awwwww… And that ending for the A support that leads into the amazing S support…which falls a bit flat at the end for me. Also, Gaius!Gerome doesn’t seem to work out so well which is a huge bummer.
So unfortunately that pairing can’t quite win because there’s an even more awesome pairing which is Gregor x Cherche. I love how he saved Minerva when she was a baby and they’re both mutually in love with each other by the end. Also, I feel like the Gregor x Cherche ending is by far the best for him.

Chrom x Village Maiden
TOO BAD CHROM HAHA I really prefer all the eligible girls with someone else MUCH more. IMO village maiden suits the story line much more anyway. I marry FeMU to Chrom to pair all the rest up but if it’s a male run I just marry him to Olivia.

Which leaves poor Libra alone :/ Honestly I do like him and would put him with Tharja or Sully. Hm. Actually I may try putting him with Sully the next round and see how the support goes. It sounds interesting. That would make Frederick alone (which helps since I always end up benching him anyway poor guy). Either way Libra’s solo ending isn’t bad since he’s a pretty boy and will have no problem finding a waifu if he wants ^^

EDIT: I can’t decide who I like Gaius with, he has too many good pairings *SIGH*

Reflections of 2013 (I mean, it’s about time right?)

Happy New Year! Today I was thinking about it and realised that it’s already 2014. I won’t even be writing a 13 at the end of my dates anymore and I feel kinda sad but it’s time to move on.

Last week I saw a lot of my friends posting reflections of 2013 and I thought, “Hey, that’s pretty cool. I should do that too” but never got round to doing it. Checking my schedule for back then showed I didn’t really have time to do it but…oh well, no time like the present so let’s get cracking!

The good

2013 started out pretty awesome and I got a chance to go to Japan to study for 1 month! I made lots of great friends and the experience was AMAZING. Jap skills leeeevel up! XD I certainly became more confident and with the encouragement of my friends, I requested to move up from jap level 5 to level 7. I’ve had to work sooo much harder this year and lazy ol’ me was pretty stressed but I felt much more accomplished and I’m proud of myself for getting this far.

I started doing kendo which was good for my pathetic level of physical fitness. I used to go to the hospital lots when I was younger but I haven’t had to in recent years so that’s good J I made a lot of friends in kendo which I’m thankful for since I used to just spend my time rotting at home.

I think I’ve learnt to be less scared of other people and speak up a bit more when I have to. Even my uncle who came to visit from overseas said so. I’m not perfect but at least, for this year anyway, I’ve improved a lot as a person 🙂

The bad

Somehow, I was put in charge of worship for CG and it was really hard getting people to do worship because only about 3 people would come regularly each week. Once it was just me and my CG leader ._. Hopefully it gets better this year.

I was having a lot of trouble with my housemate because it was a seriously stressful period of time for both of us but mainly so for her, what with school activities, studies etc. It was a rough patch for both of us but I think we managed to talk it out and everything’s all right now. Cheers to a smooth sailing year ahead for the both of us.

Family is always an issue but I won’t get into the details here what with all these annoying internet spies (shame on you! Can’t you leave us alone so that I can post whatever I want? Sheesh). Bottom line is that at least for the inner circle, things are getting heaps better.

I always feel like I backslide in my walk with God whenever I come back to Singapore. It’s strange but true. I’ve decided to make some changes for 2014 and I’m feeling pretty good about it, like it’s the right thing to do.

July 2013 was pretty much hell. Lots of shit happened. I did some stuff I’m not proud of. Maybe someday if the time is right and I feel like sharing I’ll talk about it but for now, that’s all I’ll say.

All in all, I think most of my major concerns were resolved before the end of 2013. There’s still some fluff but after some prayer and giving up all my troubles to God it’s been getting a whole lot better.


One thing I’m grateful for is having been baptised by the Holy Spirit on 29 March 2013, Good Friday. To be honest, I was feeling pretty lazy especially I’d spent the whole night before editing a video for Jap class and it was a group project so if I didn’t upload the video by the end of the day, I’d be screwing my friends. Needless to say, I was pretty stressed and the video was converting itself that night. I keep getting some flip for mac error thing. Anyway, I gave up at around 2AM and went to sleep. The next morning I woke up at around 8 and was like I don’t feel like going to church, especially since the video was due in like less than 9 hours. I even texted my friend about it and she was like “Yeah it’s ok you can come back after church and finish it.” I had my doubts though so before I opened up my computer, I said “God, if you want me to go to church today, help me get this video uploaded.” It was like magic. The video converted without a hitch and by the time I was done, I looked at the clock and realised I had just enough time to go to church. God really has his ways of working and being able to experience it for myself was truly amazing. I’d always heard about things God did for other people and wondered if it would ever happen to me.

Another thing is I have the awesome privilege of serving in church in production’s lighting department. I had the best teachers and learnt so much about how to set the positions and create the mood etc. Do you believe that even the lights can feel like dancing? I’ve always felt that when I’m on lights duty. Like at some parts they want to sway and at other parts they just want to be still…or maybe I’m weird haha. There’s no public transportation till 8AM on Sunday and I need to be in church at 7.30AM. Thankfully the creative ministries team has so many nice people. I always tell Teni I need transport and she’ll tell me who to call and arrange pick up with lol.

Lastly, this may not sound like a thanksgiving from the get go, but looking back leaving my previous CG was good. I always thought at first that it was something for me, but even through this God has been able to extend his blessings to others around me. God never gives you the whole picture at the start, but if you’re willing to take a step in Faith great things can happen.

There were heaps of other things too and I’m thankful for each of these things.


Getting my priorities straight for both school and God.

I think that for the 1.5months I was back mid last year I went for CG like ONCE. I used to just heck care every time I came back because there was always some family gathering/dinner/outing on saturday and it was a good enough excuse not to go for CG and face a certain person I didn’t really want to. It’s like magic. They clash. Every. Week. Without fail. Also, I never really felt like I was learning anything. I’ve realised that it’s a choice I have to make and be firm about it. My parents have been more understanding than I thought when I explained to them and there’s always a way to take studies to a higher level if I really want to. I think other people prefer talking about such things anyway rather than read the passage and answer the questions like english comprehension.

For studies, I really need to just concentrate and put all the distractions aside. Somehow, there’s always something else to do in the school term and once that’s over there’s too much free time.

Be happy.

Being happy is a choice. I realised that one sleepy morning during the exam period in church. I think it’s a habit but everyone here in SG is pretty much on zombie mode before 10AM and I think that’s being generous. Anyway, that one morning I wasn’t feeling ultra peppy and there was this guy who was completely off the happy scale. Even though I didn’t really went out of his way to make me laugh. Then I realised that actually, most everyone walks in pretty peppy. I should stop being such a stick in the mud and stop reading my notes lol. Yeah I need to sleep more so that I don’t wake up grumpy.

Yes, life is a choice. We choose our own happiness but at the same time, I know God has an awesome plan for me. More details next time 🙂

Here’s to a happy 2014.