Blessed Rest

This weekend I finally got the chance to take some time off and do literally whatever I wanted. I was on top of the world simply over the fact that I had the luxury of choosing to sit down to read a book – and I don’t like reading. I feel so alive. I wanted to scream, “FREEDOM!” while running out of ACJC after cell group ended today but people would probably have stared and thought I was a maniac. The weather was good and the haze cleared up so that was a sweet bonus to my day.

I think most people take the weekend to do some R&R, some shopping, maybe even catch a movie. We all have a choice when it comes to filling up our schedules but somehow I’ve decided to fill up my weekends with church activities. Band practice on Saturday morning, some meeting in the afternoon followed by cell group straight after. The next day it’s either serve in worship or some tacklecamp related activity, if for some reason they both happen the same weekend it’s teach in cell group for the youths and if I don’t have a meeting in the afternoon there’s either’s leaders training or prayer walk.

Phew. Typing that out was more exhausting than I thought. I never quite realised how much stuff I have on the weekends. I think I lost some of my joy in serving because I’ve been running around trying to do so many things. I always question how I used to go weekends in a row serving at Bridge last time and without tiring out. Then again, some of these activities like camp planning take up my weekdays as well and can be quite a headache.

For a long time, I’ve been secretly hoping for a weekend like this because there’s always some last minute meeting or someone needs to be replaced in the band. I must have lucked out because most people are having uni exams but also, I decided to say no always say no to drugs to replacing someone this week. For what it’s worth, I think I made the right decision to stay away from doing anything that required me to think too much or stress me out this weekend. For once, I don’t have an excuse not to do the things I’ve been putting off like, say, write a blog post?

I definitely have to manage my time better by consciously putting in effort to create such weekends. I have to remember that I’m not an extrovert so I really need my alone time and that I can’t be trying to do so many things all the time.

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A Liebster Award!?

A LIEBSTER AWARD? WHAT? NO WAY!

liebsteraward11

I got a nomination from Nic and Eustacia, two of my best blogger friends and friends in real life. I’m quite sure I blog a lot of rubbish and just randomly blurt out my thoughts most of the time but thank you for always encouraging me to write. I feel a bit more motivated whenever I get an e-mail notification saying you’ve written a new post and it’s a constant reminder to me that I should write more. Hopefully I’ll become a better writer over time.

Thank you also to whoever reads my blog, remembering I exist and tolerating my nonsense. If you still drop by to look at old song lyrics I’ve transcribed or even translated, I’m glad it’s been of some help.

The word “Liebster” is german for “dear” or “beloved”. Can’t say this is an extremely prestigious award or anything but I definitely feel dear at the moment.

I don’t have many friends who still blog so although Nic kindly said I don’t have to nominate people, I’ll start by sharing the blogs of my nominators:

Manga, my life – The blog of an otaku. Contains reviews of mangas, animes and experiences at conventions. Check it out if you’re into such things!

With Love from Japan, Eustacia – The personal blog of an international student in Japan. She has over 1200 followers and it’s no wonder – she writes so well!

Some other friends’ websites that are currently alive and well:

Dreaming Through the Noise – A personal blog but if you search for old posts, you’ll also find beauty product recommendations and even a post on how to make sunblock from one of the smartest perfumery students out there.

Light of Goshen – Well thought out and researched articles regarding Christian viewpoints on current issues. A good way to expand your knowledge and have a bit of a think over important national (Singapore) and global issues.

Treading Bravely – A personal and reflective blog that always goes back to God. Also some lovely photos as she is an excellent photographer and designer!

I might decide to give questions later but I don’t think it’s necessary especially since this is pretty chain letter like and won’t suit everyone’s blog.

Pretty excited about this because it’s a happy post. Now that all the formalities are out of the way, I can finally get started!

1. What kind of music do you listen to?

OPs/EDs of anime I’m into at the moment on replay (seriously loving “Sugar Song and Bitter Step” by UNISON SQUARE GARDEN). Love Honeyworks and hope that I’ll have a free day soon to just sit down and go through the various songs I haven’t heard and learn them.

2. Is there a certain trend to the kind/type of characters you like in a story? (looks, personality, background etc.?)

When I’m reading books, I usually like the catalysts or side characters, people who get things going in a story. On the other hand, in mangas or animes, about 80% of the time I like the blonde haired guy. Surely there is a certain personality that goes with such characters. The weird ones? It’s usually true as long as they’re not the proud ore-sama type.
Yeah, I’m probably the one who’s weird.

3. What other interests do you have besides what you write about on your blog?

I actually have a lot of interests because I get bored easily and like to switch between tasks. When I have free time I like to do voice stuff like sing, or try to create or imitate a character’s voice. Otherwise, I’m usually interested in just lazing in bed 😛

4. Have you been to any sort of theatre production/stage show before? If so, what was it/were they?

I was thinking, “Does from Eve to Mary count?” and realised Eustacia typed the exact same thing! Oh but now that I’m re-reading the question it says “been to”. I watched Chicago, Love Never Dies when it first came out in Melbourne, Wicked (which I would watch again!) and Les Miserables (another awesome one). There was also a local one in Singapore which I unfortunately don’t remember the title to because I went when I was quite young.
In university, I went for two productions by the Chinese Musical Group (CMG?) in separate years. Not as bad as I thought and they had subtitles which helped me a lot.

5. If you could choose one superpower to possess, what would it be and why?

I always thought it would be cool to time travel because you’d get to see what happened and actually be there for big events. So little time and so many things to do but now I’m getting lazier and lazier by the day and find myself wishing I could teleport from place to place. It didn’t seem too bad when I was in Melbourne but the weather in Singapore is terrible and the sun burns throughout the year so teleportation FTW!

6. Do you consider yourself an introvert, extrovert, or a mix in different situations?

I always thought that I could be a mix but now I’m certain that I am an introvert. I can be an “extrovert” if for work purposes or social events when I either have to help facilitate or have no choice but to talk to people but I find myself really tired when I have too many of such events in a row. Definitely need to recharge every now and then by quite literally having no contact with anyone.

7. What would your dream habitat be like?

My dream habitat would be far away from civilisation, some place with clean and fresh air. I would honestly love any place blessed with the frequent sound of heavy rain and doesn’t come with mosquitos. Rain always cools things down and makes me feel relaxed, helps me sleep, makes me feel safe for some reason.

8. Do you play/have an interest in any sports? If not, are there any specific sports you’d like to try?

I really enjoyed kendo with MUKEN and wish I could have kept going but I’m so unfit now I’m quite afraid to even try anything XD

9. One thing on your bucket list.

Get married, have kids, have fun as I go along. Is that ambitious enough?

10. Besides English, are there any other languages/dialects you’ve learnt/are fluent in? If not, what other languages would you like to learn?

English, Chinese, Japanese, I can understand some Hokkien but not enough to hold a conversation. I always wanted to learn Italian because it seems pretty. Ridiculous as this may be, I wanted to learn Czech for a while because my Great-great-great-grandmother was from Czechoslovakia. A passing thought was to learn Hebrew so that I could read the original Old Testament text so hopefully I’ll be convicted enough to do that some day.

11. Why do you blog

I’m quite an emo person and as whiny as I end up sounding most of the time, it helps me feel a little better getting it out there even if it doesn’t make sense yet. Penning down my thoughts helps me to think better and sometimes helps me realise how stupid I’m being – yes there have been worse things than what I’ve posted. Bet you thought I was already crazy enough didn’t you?

Jokes aside, I hope someday I can look through what I once wrote and believe that I’ve grown somewhat and become a better person. Someone with less problems or a least better able to handle my emotions and reactions to things.

More promises

Finally a not so depressing post! Just feeling a bit itchy to write lately though I haven’t really got anything concrete down.

I was just talking to my brother about how there are so many 3ds games I want to play but they don’t have an english version yet. Most of these are supposedly having releases in 2016 which is very generic so I was whining about how I have no idea which part of 2016 they’re talking about. Will I get to play these games mid next year? Do I still have more than a year to wait? I’m dying here!

But my brother pointed out that there’s actually not much more left to 2015 which was kinda weird to me because, well, it’s true.

It’s not the end of the year yet but looking back, I really feel like I’ve done a lot but also nothing. I’m having a hard time believing what’s happened in my life and how surreal everything seems. I never could have imagined getting myself all the way here.

Thing is, I probably didn’t really do much. Call me religious or whatever but I really do believe that it’s only because of God that I’ve gotten where I am today. I’m really surprised but also grateful for the fact that I’ve been able to trust in Him to provide everything He said He would to me more than a year ago. God certainly doesn’t go back on promises He makes and just thinking about it makes me want to cry because it’s so wonderful that there’s a God out there who would really care for me.

I didn’t want to come back to Singapore but I trusted Him when He said that He’ll give me a job and all as long as I went back. I took it relatively easy and was like, “Yeah, ok,” but who says that, right? I had to convince not just my parents but anyone else who asked me about my future plans. The more I talked about it the more ridiculous it seemed even though I had peace in my heart about it.

Once again this year, God has promised me more things though I’m pretty sure some are way ridiculous and it’s made me question, “Why me?” because surely I’m special but not THAT special. But having seen how God has worked in my life makes me think that I can trust in Him for these crazy promises too and I really hope I get to see them come to pass some day.

These roads may seem to lead us elsewhere, but someday they will meet again and we’ll have an eternity to be together.

This world doesn’t sleep; I can’t sleep

I’m up at 15 minutes to 3a.m. and honestly, I’m not sure what I’m doing. Maybe I actually do and what I’m really trying to figure out is how much I care.

Tonight, I should have had the best night of my life. I finally got to meet up with some close friends and have a totally awesome dinner but after getting back home, the pressure of work etc. starts to sink in and I realise something I thought was done isn’t quite there yet. Now I find myself staring at a word document I’m not too sure what to do with.

And now, I’m also realising that perhaps it is because I’m not a very honest person at all. I’m not the kind of person to let others know how I feel and here, it feels even more difficult to do so. So now, let me surprise the world a little and say that I’m so tired. Oddly enough, it’s ministry that’s making me so tired and sometimes I wanna quit. Even when I have a weekend “off”, I don’t feel rested. Sometimes, I can’t fall asleep at night and I wonder what’s wrong with me because just this time last year, I was doing perfectly fine. I think I once served five weekends in a row and could still be chipper at the end and feel like I could do more. Unfortunately, I want right now is to be a vegetable and not do anything.

Technically, I’m home but at the same time, it feels like I’m not. It’s been more than eight months since I came back and I should be settling into life by now but I’m not. It’s like a part of me is still back in Melbourne. I want to cry every time I click the podcast tab and see the title of exactly what I need to hear from the place I’m no longer at. I wonder why I’m here and not there, why God brought me back to this place. I do see the good happening but somehow it’s not enough and at such a ridiculous time in the middle of the night, I don’t know who to talk to.

I miss my housemate and just being able to talk out problems at 1a.m. I miss those $2 Taco Tuesdays with the girls I love and served with. I miss feeling real because all this feels like a nightmare sometimes. I feel like I have to be so much more grown up than I really am and my comfort perhaps, is knowing that my closest friends will be reading this long and nonsensical spiel of me speaking irrationally.

And the feeling of hopelessness regarding this world doesn’t seem to go away.

I sit here in my room
Spiralling myself into a darkness
Where my thoughts muddle up,
Become tangled around
And I can’t figure things out
But tomorrow I’ll awake an amnesiac
Not remembering a thing about yesterday
Going about as if life was okay

Because really, everything is quite okay.

26 Oct 2014 – But bless the Lord, O my soul

So totally upset now after being a bit too happy the whole day.

I feel like it would be so easy to blame God, say, “Why couldn’t you just let me be a teacher? Why say “No”, right after getting an awesome reply from the Ministry?”, “What do you want me to do?”, “Why get my hopes up and then let me feel so totally crushed?”

All I’ve done lately is cry. Cry because I have to go back. Cry because I realised I haven’t been spending enough time with God. Cry because studying is hard. Cry because I know deep down inside I could never blame Him.

But even so, bless the LORD O my soul, lean not on thy own understanding for you know not what the future has to hold.

In this time of need, I wait upon you LORD.

days by Jin ft. LiA – Mekakucity Actors ED Full Lyrics

Nuuu Azami *cries*

As usual, Jin’s lyrics are really sad and moving and translating them into English . I tried translating by phrases rather than lines to try and make more sense of things. May change a few things here and there after exams but otherwise, hope you guys like my TL of this song! Romaji is after the English TL. That should be 99% correct if not for the spacing between words so as long as you’re not fussy about that, I’m sure it will help in some way.

As usual, credit bekahLIME if you use them in anyway xx

Song title:「days」
Original Music & Lyrics by: じん
Sung by: LiA

English:

Meaninglessly,
time passed on
Trying to figure that out, I realised
that the far off sound of laughter
couldn’t be heard anywhere
and tears fell

If you’re saying this is the future, I’d rather
have let go of that unbearable yesterday
and in a place where no voices can be heard
I’d stay all alone
I know the tears of this decaying world
But even if I try counting the times they flowed irrationally
These days,
the meaning they bring
won’t be found

Time keeps going forward as it always does
such as when the hands of clocks had
stopped moving countless times

On days without smiles
even if I shut myself in
That day asked if
I realised something
through meaningless things
I don’t know if I can ever find out

Just stop it
It hurts, it hurts
It’s unbearable
So much so that my tears have dried up
So much so that they’ve disappeared

“If you’re saying this is the future, then
I should have just stayed where I was”
Even if I’d be crying alone
in a place where voices can’t be heard
This decaying world won’t
hug someone gently so
such days
I’ll throw them away
And I’ll curse the future and this world,
let go of that unbearable yesterday
and in a place where no voices can be heard
I’ll stay all alone

Somewhere, the decaying future quietly,
soundlessly and irrationally ended
and in my dreams,
the days I wished for
came to an end as if they were yesterday

Meaninglessly
Time kept passing
It kept going
without anyone realising

Romaji:

imi no nai mama de
jikan wa sugite
rikaishiyou toshite
kizuita
tooku hanareta waraigoe ga mou
dokonimo kikoenai
namida ga ochiru

kore ga mirai dato iu nara isso
yarikirenai aus wo tebanashite
koe mo kikoenai basho ni
hitori de iyou
kureru sekai no namida wo shitte
afuredasu rifujin wo kazoetemo
konna hibi wo
okuru imi wa
kitto mitsukerarenai na

jikan wa susumi
tokei no hari wa tomaru no
onaji you ni nando mo

egao no nai hibi ni
tojikomotte mo
imi ga nai koto ni
kizuiterun deshou
ano hi tazuneta
kotoba no imi wa
mou shiru koto ga dekinai noni

mou yamete
itakute itakute
tamaranai
namida mo kareteshimau hodo ni
kieteshimau hodo ni

“Kore ga mirai da to iu nara, isso
anomama de itakatta” da nante
koe mo kikoenai basho de
hitori naite mo
kureru sekai wa dareka wo sotto
dakishimeru koto nante shinai kara
konna hibi wa
suteteshimaou

soshite mirai mo sekai mo norotte
yarikirenai ausu wo tebanashite
koe no kikoenai basho ni
hitori de iyou
kureru mirai ga dokoka de sotto
oto mo naku rifujin ni hateru no wo
yume no naka de
negau hibi ga
ashita owarimasu you ni

imi mo nai mama de
jikan wa sugita
dare mo
kizukanai mama

意味のないままで
時間は過ぎて
理解しようとして
気づいた
遠くは離れた笑い声がもう
どこにも聞こえない
涙が落ちる

これが未来だと言うならいっそ
遣り切れない明日を手放して
声の聞こえない場所に
一人で居よう
暮れる世界の涙を知って
溢れ出す理不尽を数えても
こんな日々を
送る意味は
きっと見つけられないな

時間は進み
時計の針は止まるの
同じように何度も

笑顔のない日々に
閉じ篭っても
意味がないことに
気付いてるんでしょう
あの日訊ねた
言葉の意味は
もう知ることが出来ないのに

もうやめて
痛くて痛くて
堪らない
涙も枯れてしまう程に
消えてしまう程に

「これが未来だと言うなら、ずっと
あのままで居たかった」だなんて
声も聞こえない場所で
一人泣いても
暮れる世界は誰かをそっと
抱きしめることなんてしないから
こんな日々は
捨ててしまおう

そして未来も世界も呪って
遣り切れない明日を手放して
声の聞こえない場所に
一人で居よう
暮れる未来が何処かでそっと
音もなく理不尽に果てるのを
夢の中で
願う日々が
明日終わりますように

意味もないままで
時間は過ぎた
誰も
気付かないまま

Updated 22 June 2012

Mekakucity Actors「daze」・じん

There are so many weird translations out there that don’t make sense/don’t follow the meaning of the song so I thought: Meh, why not throw my own confused version into the mix?

Mekakucity Actors

「daze」

作詞・作曲:じん

歌:メイリア

 

English Lyrics

The concrete wavers,

Smoky and hazy,  it’s dream you’ve always wanted

 

Traced out with a template

Is an everyday life I still don’t and never knew

 

The high tempo attendance

The lacking but depressing future that won’t disappear

 

The last chapter is here

I can’t say it, you look like you’re going to cry

 

Come on, close your eyes

If you’re lost, like us then

not like you have a way back right?

 

As the pieces come together, we secretly pray that

the future is normal

 

Come now, clap your hands

We’ve turned a full circle, let’s gather our mistakes again today

 

Let’s begin

You’re still lost in a daze

 

Let’s 「play」

Keep screaming until it gets through

Let’s 「save」

Keep struggling until that wish comes true

 

Until you that grasp hand

Don’t forget this heat*

 

Let’s 「daze」

Don’t lose your heart

Let’s 「change」

Don’t cry all by yourself

 

If you’re「lonely」, we can repaint that

Remember them, the things you wanted to say

 

The encore reverberates

Winding round and around, going back and forth through the city

 

Breaking standards

Now we’re linked by the sweat on our hands

 

Breaking out and standing up

We can’t sleep, can’t be stopped, that’s the cue to counter attack

 

The last day is here

Let’s search for words that won’t fade

 

Come now, give me your hand

Our meeting surely

Wasn’t a misunderstanding, right?

 

At the mercy of a shadow, this troubling world has become

an afterimage

 

「Frustration」 and 「Weakness 」

Rather, the word「Cowardice」includes them all

 

Dive right in

Are you still lost in a daze?

 

Let’s 「play」

That outstretched arm is wavering

Let’s 「save」

That heart is fading

 

Almost as if there’s no more hope

Don’t forget that heat*

 

Let’s 「daze」

The city wind howls

Let’s 「change」

The words have faded

 

If it’s “feelings” then I know that they’re here

I realised that a long time ago

 

To the kid who’s rubbing at reddened eyes

Across this blue summer sky

I hope this voice reaches

Even the dusk that chanted “Goodbye”

Will be changed again in yesterday

Surely this dream can be broken out of

 

Wait,

If you’re alone then respond

Don’t spend today lamenting

Loneliness and tears

Let’s share them together

 

Let’s 「play」

Keep screaming until it gets through

Let’s 「save」

Keep struggling until that wish comes true

 

Until you that grasp hand

Don’t forget this heat*

 

Let’s 「daze」

Don’t lose your heart

Let’s 「change」

Don’t cry all by yourself

 

If you start wavering in the city

Even if you become discouraged

 

If you’re「lonely」, we can repaint that

We’ve changed「all by yourself」

Because I’m with you

 

*The actual word used is temperature but I think heat suits the whole kagerou thing better (yes I know this is mekakucity actors but whatever)

 

コンクリートが揺らいだ
霞み燻む、君の望ている夢

ハイテンポなアテンダンス
消えない 足りない 落ち込んだ未来

最終話が来たって
言えない 君は泣きそう

ほら、目を閉じて
迷子なら一緒
帰り道もないでしょう?

継ぎ接いでた
秘密に願う
未来は平凡

さぁ、手を鳴らせ
0で廻った 勘違いを今日も集めて

始めよう
君もまた、無我夢中

Let’s 「play」
届くまで叫んで
Let’s 「save」
叶うまで足掻いて

その手を掴むまで
この温度は忘れない

Let’s 「daze」
心を消さないで
Let’s 「change」
一人で泣かないで

「孤独」なら 塗り替えれる
思い出してよ 言いたかったこと

アンコールが響く
巡り巡る 街の中を往け

ブレイクアウトとスタンダードアップ
寝れない 止めない 逆襲の気配

最終日が来たって
消えない言葉探そう

ほら、手を出して
会えたのはきっと
思い違いじゃないでしょう?

影法師の随に憂う世界は
残像

もう「悔しさ」も「弱さ」も
いっそ「意気地なし」も全部含めて

飛び込もう
君もまた 無我夢中?

Let’s 「play」
伸ばす手が揺らいで
Let’s 「save」
心もすり減って

まるで希望がなくったって
その温度は忘れない

Let’s 「daze」
街風が唸って
Let’s 「change」
言葉が消えたって

「気持ち」なら 此処にある
ずっと前から気付いてたんだよ

赤い目擦ったあの子へと
青い青い夏を超えて
届くのがこの声なら

「さよなら」唱えた夕暮れも
また昨日に変えれる
この夢を抜け出せる きっと

待って
一人なら応えて
今日を嘆いなりしないで
寂しさも 涙も
分け合うから 一緒に

Let’s 「play」
届くまで叫んで
Let’s 「save」
叶うまで足掻いて

その手を掴むまで
この温度は忘れない

Let’s 「daze」
心を消さないで
Let’s 「change」
一人で泣かないで

揺らめきだす 街の中
挫けそうになってしまっても

「孤独」なら 塗り替えれる
「ひとりぼっち」を変えようとした
君となら

Mekaku City ED 「Days」 English Cover!

I decided to sing “Days” with English lyrics! Got the lyrics off SymphonicTears because I like her version of the lyrics and recorded it on a whim. I’ve always wanted to do something like this but would put it off because “AHHH I’m flat here” or “this part doesn’t sound right” but if I kept going on like that I’d never upload anything right? Got it over and done with and while perfectionist me isn’t entirely happy, I’m quite proud of myself for just getting it out there or I might regret it one day when I’m finally out of school and don’t have the time for such things. If I have the time I’d like to do more covers or try doing one in Japanese ^^

Putting all that aside, I was really surprised that so many people would listen to me sing! I’ve already gotten almost 150 views and I uploaded it less than 36 hours ago. Many thanks to all my friends, ones I’ve met in real life and those on the forums for helping to bump up those few initial views! Special extra thanks to my awesome friend Nicole (@killua93) for sharing it EVERYWHERE!! I was so touched when I saw the number of likes + reblogs on her tumblr. I almost cried in public. To all the people out there liking and reblogging it, I don’t know you but words cannot express how happy and grateful I am for your support! I’m just a nobody and never thought so many people would like my singing. 本当にありがとうございました!I feel irrationally happy, like Tony Tony Chopper from One Piece when people praise him.

Here’s the video if you haven’t already since it. Sorry it’s just a still image…I’ll work on figuring out how to get animations in.